Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize