so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
