My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
