pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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