Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
