I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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