This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
