And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
