So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
