Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
