I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
