I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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