Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
