NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
