She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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