I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
