big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
