Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
