I puked a lego.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
