Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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