I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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