the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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