Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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