life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
