Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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