Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
