she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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