Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
we're so committed to being not committed
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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