Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
