Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
