2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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