Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
