it wasn't lemon gatorade
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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