I think I died a long time ago.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
