i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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