Betty ford says i'm here all night
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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