The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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