Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
