dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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