She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
