youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
