And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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