I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
