She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize