do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This toilet bowl is my home.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
