she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
