Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
