he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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