oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im six kinds of drunk right now
My pussy is not your playground.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
