I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She bit a glass in half.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
