How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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