You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
