Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
