Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
