you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
