Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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