I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i would punch a child for taco bell
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
