WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can't turn off my feet"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
