We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
