Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
