"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We are two peas in an std pod
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
