I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
