Heybabeimwearingurpanties
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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