my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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