If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
