Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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