I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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