PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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