it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
